wish you were here -my dad a war survivor as a little child

 I wish you were here.  My dad ! You were  a war survivor as a little child, and it breaks my heart to think about the pain and trauma you must have endured during those dark times. You were only six, a first grader in1945, when the fightings started.

 You were forced to go underground to escape the relentless bombardments.

 It took an agonizingly long time, and  you were barely clinging to life when the fighting finally came to an end. Your body was ravaged by frost bites, leaving you in excruciating pain and despair. 

Then you were fortunate enough to have survived.

You were left with a well-masked but profound melancholy and certain phobias, such as a dread of crowds, closed spaces, and hospitals, as a result of the emotional effect that never went away.

Years of bed wetting and speech difficulties... only became  less problematic by the age of 15. That was the age when you started to smoke. A chain smoker for decades, trapped in the clutches of addiction.  To live up to 75 was a real miracle  for a chain  smoker  - as you kept whispering in the final months of your life.

Your siblings  who were  not smokers  are still alive .They are nearly 90  !